i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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