Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
