too bad you live with your parents still
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
