i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
