I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
