Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
