I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
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As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
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the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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