Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
