I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
