but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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