Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize