i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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