Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
