In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
