"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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