at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
