perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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