so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
