Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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