i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
