his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
