he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
