best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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