HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
