no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
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I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
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That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
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