We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
