how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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