Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
