Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
