I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
