While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
