Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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