I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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