Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
