I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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