i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
