Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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