I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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