last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
