on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
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He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
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I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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