then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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