you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
