I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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