i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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