How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
