Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
