i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Hippo gnu deer
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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