I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
