i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
