okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
