Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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