Hey man sorry I got all grabby
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
