i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
