Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
