i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
