My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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