I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
