Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize