I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Randomize
