Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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