some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
