There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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