Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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