you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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