Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??