Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
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He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
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I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?