just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
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He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.