non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
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ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
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I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.