He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.