he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
