remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
foreskin is a definite game changer
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
