Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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