Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
At least life still wants to fuck me.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
