I like my sex mixed with concussions.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
