am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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